Never the Same
by bean21
Summary: Merry shook his head. "There is no going back, is there?"


Never the Same

"Pippin!"

"I'm here, Merry. I'm here."

"Don't leave me, Pip."

"I won't, Merry. I'm right here."

When Merry's heavy breathing had slowed and he started to calm down he looked over at his friend. "Thank you, Pip."

Pippin smiled sadly. He wished so much that Merry could be rid of the nightmares that haunted him so often.

"Of course, Merry." Then, in a softer voice he added, "Are you alright?"

A shadow passed over Merry's face. He cradled his arm against his chest. "I suppose so, Pip, but, I don't know, it's just so hard sometimes..." His voice trailed off. "I'll never be able to forget. Sometimes my arm still hurts, especially after I dream about it..."

Pippin looked at his friend sorrowfully. "Merry, we've both been through so much more than we ever thought we would. And no one can go through what we did without changing. For a while I almost thought that after everything was done we would simply come back home and everything would go back to the way it was."

Merry shook his head. "There is no going back, is there?"

Pip shook his head as well. "No, there isn't. Merry, I've often thought about this, but never mentioned it. But, if, before we had left with Frodo, if you had know everything that would happen, would you have still gone?"

Merry's brow furrowed in thought. "Part of me would say no," he said softly. "And yet, I think the answer is yes."

Pippin nodded. "That's how I feel."

The two friends sat in silence for a while. Then Merry got up and walked over to the window, looking out over the Shire, which stretched out peacefully before him, bathed in soft moonlight. Pippin stood up as well and joined him.

"I don't know how much good I did by going," Merry said softly. "And yet, if I somehow helped in the tiniest way to preserve the peace I see tonight, then I would go a thousand times over."

Pippin put his arm around Merry's shoulder. "You did, help, Merry. And you have suffered for it. Yet I know that you speak the truth. Only sometimes I wonder if I helped."

Merry put his arm around Pippin as well. He smiled over at him. "You did, Pippin. You did."

"Frodo and Sam did so much," Pippin said. " I can bear it for myself, but to see so many hobbits go about their lives, not realizing what Frodo and Sam went through to protect their peaceful existence is so hard to watch, it pains me."

"I understand what you say. It is hard. But, sometimes, I almost wonder..."

"What?" Pippin asked, looking over at Merry again.

"I almost wonder if it's better this way. If it's better that they don't know. I mean, they all think we're odd, but they thought Bilbo was odd too. It might be strange if they knew. None of the hobbits living here really know what the world is like. They know nothing beyond their borders. Even if they knew what we had done, how could they understand? How can you understand hunger unless you have been truly starving? How can you understand the concept of tired if you haven't been truly exhausted? And how can anyone understand what it means to be sad when they have not felt grief so deep and painful that it threatens to tear you apart?"

Pippin nodded slowly in agreement. "I've often thought about the same thing. I always come to the conclusion that we saw many of the evils of the world so that they would not have to."

Merry nodded his head as well. "You're right, Pip." They stood a while longer, looking out the window in silence. Then Merry turned to Pippin again. "I'm so glad you're with me, Pip," he said softly. "There were so many times I was afraid I would never see you again. I don't know what I would do without your friendship."

Pippin smiled. "It's the exact same for me. Come on, Merry. We'd better get some sleep."

A/N- First off this is only a friendship fic, I never ever write slash. I guess this can be for the book or the movie. :) The book says that before Frodo left for the Gray Havens, Merry and Pippin lived together at Crickhollow for a while and that's the time period I meant for this to be in. So in that was it's a little more book-like, but either way tell me what you think. :)


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